Sunday, December 11, 2011

A moment.

Today was hard, I think because it was so normal. And because normal in this household has become defined by hard. My husband works 7 dyas a week. We have two kids, we have a brother living with us, we have a giant dog, we have bills to pay. Christmas is looming, and with it my yearly anxiety attacks. Sawyers birthday is coming up, and 3 is very different than two.

So I was a bit introspective today, listening to music and pondering as I waited at one of Dovers longest stoplights. I was staring out the window at nothing, waiting for the green to mean go. Above the light, a bird soared on a thermal. I looked, and looked again, and realized it was a hawk. I wasn't far from home, so I wondered as I watched it if it was MY hawk, who hunkers down in my aspen tree from time to time. I thought it was funny that for years we've had crows in that tree, and now we have a hawk.

The hawk landed on a branch as I watched, and I glanced at the light, praying for red so I could keep it in view for a moment. I got my wish. I looked back up at the magnificent bird in front of me, and saw a speck beyond it, in the sky. A black dot, getting larger. With none of the dithering circles that the hawk performed, a crow landed in the same tree, a few branches away.

The birds both looked to the south, ignoring each other but completely aware of each other at the same time. I breathed a word of gratitude, and the light turned green. I kept them in sight in my rearview mirror for a block, after I turned, and they were still watching the south, seeming to look right at me.

I don't know how rare this is, but I have to imagine, pretty rare. It's a big city. There's a lot of trees. There's a lot of trees just where I saw these two, and either one could have had a tree to itself, plus a buffer of branches. But they chose the same tree, just feet from each other. Just when I was watching. Just when I was thinking.

So thanks, mothernaturegodgoddessrandomchance, for that moment. I'll be wondering on that for awhile.


Sandra said...

We all need a moment like that especially this time of year. We try to do it all and all it brings is stress. I have no doubt you will find the answers you need.
My beautiful god-daughter will somehow manage and at the end say "I did the best I could do". Love you Hillary

Hillary said...

Sandy, I read this early this morning and it made me weepy, so I decided not to respond yet. Now it's 10pm, and reading it still makes me weepy, so I'm just going to say: "thank you." I find it incredible that you have such a beautiful, open heart to be so loving with me after all these years. Thank you for the support and kind words.